SAY TA-TA TO BORING TARTARE.

It needs tang, pickles, chilli and attitude if it wants to be more than just mayo.

A good tartare sauce can save most things in life. Poached salmon, which would have to be one of the dullest dishes around. Mediocre prawn rolls. Chicken schnitzel. Even a whole cooked lobster that you bought on a whim when you felt rich after a little windfall.

(Why is it that as soon as we feel rich we do our darnedest to reverse the situation?)

And while I’m at it - I’m sorry, Western Australia. You do a lot of things better than the rest of us, but in my humble experience, your WA lobster is just not as saline, silky or sweet as the Eastern rock lobster, or best of all, the Southern rock lobster. Apparently lobsters/crayfish are quite fussy about what they eat; so my theory is that the easterners and southerners are from the foodie part of the family, and the westerners are okay with a nice Conti roll. (Talking lobsters here, not people).

Anyway, there it sat, as boring as batshit, so I made a tartare-with-attitude, lumpy with big fat capers, crunchy with gherkin and hot with jalapeno, and completely tarred the two lobster halves with tartare and left them to sit for 20 minutes.

SAVED!

Every mouthful of lobster jumped with capers, gherkin and jalapeno chilli, in a velvety mix of mayo and yoghurt greened with dill and chives. Spring onion greens would also be great in place of chives. Chips on the side would be ace.

TARTARE SAUCE WITH ATTITUDE (AND JALAPENO)

• 2 tbsp whole egg mayonnaise or aioli

• 2 tbsp natural yoghurt

• 2 sliced rounds of pickled jalapeno chillies, chopped

• 1 tbsp chopped gherkins or other sweet pickly things

• 1 tbsp salted capers, rinsed

• 1 tbsp finely chopped dill

• 1 tbsp finely chopped chives

• 2 tsp lemon juice or pickle juice

• Sea salt and black pepper to taste

Chuck everything into a bowl and whisk together.

Taste. You want the warmth of jalapeno, the pickle of gherkin and the creamy squish of mayo, with a nicely chunky texture. Will it bring the dead to life? If so, serve.

Tip: If you add too much juice or your yoghurt is runny,  the sauce will be too thin. The classic trick is to thicken it with a hard-boiled egg – peeled and pressed through a sieve to mash it finely. Whip that mash through the runny tartare and watch in awe as it comes together as one.

Thanks for dropping by! And thanks for your comments and suggestions. Special thanks to Terry, as always. And if he’s ever feeling rich, he can resolve that situation by giving me a lobster bag from Sonia Petroff for my birthday. No, not the sort of lobster bag you take scuba-diving - this sort of lobster bag:

I would also like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the lands and waters upon which I work, live, cook and play; the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation, and pay my respects to Elders past and present, and to the continuing strength and resilience of First Nations people, communities and cultures.